9/11 -- Silence

I remember this day 13 years ago.

I remember sitting in silence watching…

I watched the newscasters pause in silence as they realized that the first tower fell…

…and then the second one fell -- and their hands went to their mouths… in silence…

I watched the silent ash falling in New York…

I listened to the silence in my own sky…

But I didn't quite understand at the time how silence feels…


I had the incredible privilege of going to New York in 2013. As we started to walk from the ferry dock to the 9/11 memorial I could feel the silence start…

The buildings are tall -- mostly old and ornate -- and how they block the sound is different than my wide open spaces of the West. It's muted and silent…

The closer we got, the more silence I could feel -- it feels different there, at the place the towers stood -- there is a reverence and a respect that is surrounded in silence.

I wanted to whisper -- I wanted to whisper my thanks to God that I could feel the silence -- that I could feel how the world had been changed in that very spot.

As you walk through the gates of the Memorial and you start to read and listen and look… at the silence… the hole in the middle of this forest of history…

…if a tree falls… -- does it make a sound?

There -- in that silence -- as my hands touched and read the names of those silenced --- I hoped my silent prayer of thanks was enough.

If I Only……

……used this blog enough to not have to relearn it EVERY SINGLE TIME I LOG ON!!

Sheesh!

I'll get better at it.

I've been pondering taking my thoughts here more often -- but it hasn't moved much past the pondering stage.

But often I find myself needing a spot to put my thoughts OUT THERE -- just so I can see them and hear them and decide -- is that what I really feel? Do I need to make a few thought changes? Is this truth?

Only one way to find out……

Good Times… Good Times… Roger That!

It's always great when Family Game Night ends with laughter instead of tears, right?!?

We had a good time last night… Roger That!

Cox, we played the game… drum roll… peace sign… whisper… microphone… cheer… thumbs up… buzz… Gotcha! Roger That!

My children are so fun!!

Laughed 'till I cried -- even when it cost me points.

I thought I couldn't love them more than when they were cute snuggly babies, but I do.

More and more everyday.

Roger That!

Really? Resolutions? Again? Yep! Go!

I usually have much dislike for New Year Resolutions…… but I've been pondering…… and…… dang…… this can only help, right?!

My list is not going to be long…… though I might be long-winded -- :-)

1) I want to eat dinner at the table. This is tricky -- the kitchen table is also the desk with the 3 laptops and the homework place, the craft spot with a sewing machine or two, and the flat surface that collects EVERYTHING. Yes, sometimes it's ALL on the table.

So -- how do I solve the "can't see the table" problem so we can eat on it? Ding, Ding, Ding, -- Use the table in the formal dining room -- duh!!! We avoided that room when my kiddos were younger because it's all antique furniture that belongs to my mother-in-law, but it came with the house -- so LET'S USE IT!! I'm planning on fixing the chairs and recovering them. I'm going to get few table cloths, linen napkins, possibly even napkin rings and a set or two of dishes that aren't the Corelle Ware I got from my wedding or the plastic kid friendly stuff. Yay me!

I'm sure that this sounds more like a January Project and not a New Years Resolution, but trust me, I will have to make a gallant effort to not stand at the sink with my plate in my hand and eat dinner -- eat, chat, observe, turn around and dump dishes -- it's my thing. I'm going to create a NEW thing. Wish me luck!

2) I want to plan ahead and DO ahead. What?! You don't plan ahead? How do you get anything done? Easy answer…… at the last minute, in a panic, up all night, in a whirlwind, at the expense of my sanity. Why?! Why would I do that? Heck if I know -- it's in my blood, part of my genes -- I'm exchanging out those genes, finding some less procrastinating ones. 

It's not like I don't know WHAT I want to accomplish or I don't know WHEN it needs to be done -- I got that part. I ponder and think and plan in my mind until the time is long past nigh. I get stuck, get tired of being too busy and then take too long to "recoup", "regenerate", "relax" -- which turns into too much of nothing.

How am I going to plan + DO? Well -- starting sooner would help. Smaller goals would help. I know I have to have rehearsal CD's for the elementary choir I teach by January 13 -- do I have the minus tracks, yep! Have I learned the new songs I don't know, nope. START THERE!! Small goal #1. Have I voice recorded the songs I do know, nope. Small goal #2.

3) NOPE -- NOT GOING TO DO A #3!!! 2 is plenty for me to work on and this post is much too long already, but now I have a way to look back and check my progress.

Yay!

I do reserve the right to add to these two items, but don't hold your breath!

They LOVE to LOVE!

(And you thought I was kidding with the multiple random posts. Ha!)


So These Crazy Kiddos I have -- they are a funny bunch!

I am so very thankful that they love each other and that they love to love each other and that they really do love each other.

A few of the summer highlights in the Cox Home: (this is, of course, not everything, just what my brain can currently come up with. Just expect another random post later when my brain catches up)

1. Hearing from the TV, "My little pony, my little pony." -- What the heck? Where? Why? Who? Then they are laughing and saying "This is the best show ever!" Once again -- What the heck? (I started with this on my list because as I was typing what I thought would be first on the list, I hear the theme song and dude -- this is SOOOOO #1.)

2. Full blown screaming bloody murder while playing some 4-player Wii game! I don't even know what the game is, I think it's Super Mario Brothers -- but it's intense and so stinkin' funny to hear them screaming so loud over a game. And it's all of them -- not just 1 or 2 -- but all 4 -- at the top of their lungs!!

3. Silence… silence… silence… beautiful, singing, no, belting words to our all-time favorite Barbie Movie -- "Princess and the Pauper." Everyone -- even the boy -- in perfect pitch, with the harmonies in-tact, every word to every song. (That movie really has the best music. We even discussed how cool that show would be live on-stage. We're nerdy like that.)

4. This: From my Tab  She did paint it black -- AND -- drove it around the kitchen. Completely awesome!!

They are the best!! Often, Phillip and I look at each other and say -- "What the heck did we create in there?" We are grateful that they love to love each other.

(And incase you don't realize…… their ages are 13, 15, 18, 20. Ha!! Makes it even funnier, eh?)

I really AM chattier than this…

Really, a month has gone by and I didn't need a chat? I didn't have anything to say? Really?

Really, not! -- just didn't do it -- SHOULD HAVE done it, but alas didn't. Who doesn't need to talk to herself and correct her spelling and try to be clever?

So -- I'm breaking up my random thoughts with different posts -- so that it will LOOK like I'm super duper chatty -- with myself of course.


I'll start with -- going back to the beginning.

Remember that list? Well don't remember, just go with this…


You currently hear:
- paper being torn from the pad
- paper being crumpled -- really crumpled so that no one would WANT to un-crumple it -- even for just a little peek
- "She shoots -- she scores! And the crowd goes wild!!" (while the reality is: she tossed, she moves, she bends, she picks up the crumpled paper that wasn't even close to the basket and casually puts it in)

New list: (yes I just discovered color and I'm going with it -- deal)

1. Clean out bedroom closet (I will NOT discuss what was in there NOR how much went directly to the garbage, NOR how much went to DI)-- DONE - CHECK - FINI
2. Get rid of the stuff/junk/crap that is on Phillip's side of the bed (How did it collect there? Whose Grand Idea was that? Was HE supposed to take care of it? I would never do that to him.) -- DONE - CHECK - FINI
3. Clean off TOP of sewing table (saving bottom for another century) -- DONE - CHECK - FINI
4. Make 100+ cupcakes 2 days before the event (I don't know WHAT possessed me to do that) -- DONE - CHECK - FINI


See now -- THAT is my kind of list. Do it first, list it out, check it off, feel GOOD.


DONE - CHECK - FINI

They love to laugh - ha ha ha ha!

They laughed.

My silly, silly children laughed.

Not with me, but at me -- wah!

"Mom, you have a blog?"

"Yes."

Laughter.

"Does anyone read it?"

"No."

Laughter.

The 13 year old (the baby) comes and reads over my shoulder… "Arizona Mominator"

Much more laughter. (They did think the Mominator part was totally cool -- yeah, I'm like that.)

Then this same baby proceeds to read the latest post -- out loud -- to much louder laughter.

The second daughter commented about my probable over use of … … and -- -- and smiley faces with noses :-)

I counted and had no guilt. I need … … and -- -- for the pauses and spaces in my head. And who doesn't have a nose? Really? Is that a problem? Too bad… so sad -- your dad :-).

But -- I'm over the mockery and I'm here again because I have something to say.

And -- I'm taking a moment to say it.

I'm sure that someday (and it's probably my fault) -- they will understand the beauty of free therapy, aka this blog. The freedom of jotting down your thoughts, not needing a reply or a conversation. Just the desire to get it out of your head -- and as you read it you say "Whew! Not too crazy today!" or "Ug! That's pretty high on the crazy scale."

And today? Crazy scale = normal. Yeah me.